Have you ever worked with someone who seems to be a nice person, but too often he or she can be incredibly annoying? Perhaps your boss or coworkers, or the customers or vendors you deal with at work act in some of the following ways. They may be:
- Cold, abrupt, or even rude
- Too talkative, overly enthusiastic
- Vague, confusing, bouncing around too many ideas
- Critical or demanding, ask too many questions or provide overly detailed instructions, unfriendly
- Uncertain, not contributing their ideas freely, concerned with what everyone else thinks
- Engage in too many “non-work” conversations
What we just outlined above describes the negative side of different communication styles. If you’ve identified some of your work colleagues in the list above, you may find this next sentence difficult to believe, but I assure you it’s very true. Most of the people who fit the descriptions above are actually trying to be helpful and effective at work! If you could truly see their intentions, this would become clear.
While there are some difficult people in the workplace who intend to be difficult, they are a small minority. The great majority of “difficult people” approach work and communication from a perspective that’s different than yours. That often is not initially evident.
Not difficult, different
That’s the beauty and the power of our T.E.A.M. Communication Styles® model. If we flip this around and use T.E.A.M. as a filter through which to view the other person’s intentions, a more positive picture almost always emerges.
T.E.A.M. Communication Styles reflect the values we each prioritize when engaging with others. By understanding different communication styles, we can see past the annoyance to the positive values people bring to the workplace. The negative actions on the left side of the chart below, may in fact reflect these positive values or priorities. Often, while we probably support these values, our priorities may be different and that’s where the conflicts occur. Because of this, we may find these behaviors difficult, disruptive, or uncomfortable… and the other person may have the same experience with our behaviors!
Actions/Behaviors | Underlying Value Priorities |
|---|---|
Cold, abrupt or even rude | Focusing on the work, getting tasks done without distraction. Valuing work completion over work relationships. Means no disrespect. |
Too talkative, overly enthusiastic | Prioritizing engagement with others, making work a fun, enjoyable place… along with getting the work done. Does not mean to make light of the work. |
Vague, confusing and/or bouncing ideas around without a clear focus | Values creativity, outside the box thinking, brainstorming, letting people find their own way to do things. Does not intend to be confusing or distracting. |
Critical or demanding, asking too many questions or providing overly detailed instructions, unfriendly | Perfectionistic, taking the time to get things exactly right. Wanting to help others produce highly accurate work that is exactly on target. Valuing quality work over work relationships. Does not intend to be negative. |
Uncertain, not contributing their ideas freely, concerned with what everyone else thinks | Values consensus, getting everyone on board, minimizing conflicts, treating people politely. Has less concern about getting their way, having their ideas accepted. Does not intend to limit their input. |
Engage in too much “non-work” conversations | Values strong interpersonal relationships at work, wants to feel friendly with people at work, wants to build a strong team where people support each other and are comfortable with each other. Does not intend to distract or “waste time”. |
The T.E.A.M. Communication Styles model organizes this into four core communication styles, each with significantly different values. It’s the effective combination of these values that creates a highly effective team. Our next issue will highlight these four styles and begin to look at what we can do to work more effectively with people who have very different styles.
Wondering what’s your communication style? Take the assessment and find out. As you better understand these styles, you will see why that matters so much. It is the key to building a strong work team and sidestepping negative conflicts.