I thought it might be helpful to begin a series of articles focusing on each of the T.E.A.M. styles. We’ll begin with one about a challenge facing the M (Mediate) style in particular – the ability to say “no”. They work hard to be sure their supervisor and co-workers are happy, making it often difficult to say no. (See our T.E.A.M. Style Guide for more information about the M style.) This blog was co-written with Ezra Fleishman, a copywriter in California. You can find more about Ezra on LinkedIn.
The Challenge
One major challenge that often comes with being an M, is the confidence to say no, and create healthier boundaries. Because M’s are great empathic listeners, saying no can be difficult. M’s often struggle with boundaries; they “feel your pain,” and as a result, they are more hesitant to be assertive when it might be needed most. It feels like it goes against their goal of having harmony in the workplace.
Instead of taking active steps to resolve a difficult situation, they tend to avoid “hot” conflicts and wait for things to calm down before coming forward with their thoughts. M’s lean more toward looking out for others’ well-being, even when it comes at their own detriment. They often prioritize the happiness of others before their own. They may respond with a “yes,” even though deep down, they want to decline.
Saying “No”
Most of the time, it’s good to say “yes” when asked to take on an assignment or task. But sometimes, we are overloaded, not fully competent, or just don’t like that task. Pay attention to the feelings of stress or resentment so they don’t build up. It’s critical that we can feel comfortable in saying “no” during times like these.
M’s aren’t alone in this challenge. A recent survey has shown that “89% of employees have experienced burnout the past year. 70% of them would leave their jobs” for an organization with better resources to reduce burnout. New Visier Survey Finds 70% of Burnt Out Employees Would Leave Current Job “The number 1 contributing factor to burnout was an increase in workload; followed by a toxic work culture and being asked to complete work faster than before.”
With unhealthy work cultures and heightened job demands becoming more and more common, the ability to say “no” is a critical skill. Supervisors have their own pressures and aren’t always fully aware of an employee’s circumstances. The secret is learning to say “no” without adding more stress to your supervisor!
We may say ‘yes” because:
- We want people to like us or view us positively.
- We want to avoid a conflict.
- We see how important it is to the other person, and we want to stay on good terms.
Some quick tips for saying “no” with success:
- Take time to think before responding and plan your response.
- Remember that saying yes and getting overly stressed won’t help your work relationships or get the work done faster.
- Don’t apologize for saying “no” but do show empathy.
- Let them know you understand their request and the jam they are in.
- Explain your conflict – the jam you are in. Keep it brief!
- Then say “no,” politely, but firmly. If possible, suggest an alternative.
Some More Ways to Say “No”
- “I’m sorry, I can’t help you with this task right now, but I can work on it next week. Would that be ok?”
- “I have a lot going on right now, and I’m not sure when I’ll be able to get to it. But I know someone else who can help you if you need it right now.”
- “Before I take this on, I’d be happy to show you a few things so you might be able to handle it yourself.”
- “I’ve already made commitments to many others, and it wouldn’t be fair to you or them if I take on more work at this point.
- “I’m not sure how soon I can work on this for you, but I will be sure to get back to you as soon as I am available to help.”
- “Sure, I can help you with this, but let’s both agree that the other tasks I promised I would get done for you might have to wait until this is completed.”
- “I’d love to help you with this, but unfortunately, I don’t have the time or resources available to give it the justice it and you deserve.”
Break The “Yes” Habit!
For many M’s (and others), automatically saying “yes” is a habit that can be hard to break. Remember that even if you say “yes”, you’re not signing a contract. You can always go back to the person, and let them know you really need to say no.
Try out some of these tips next time you’re feeling overwhelmed or need to communicate effectively to manage your workload. This can improve your workplace interactions and your overall well-being, often increasing your productivity so your team can get their work done more effectively! For more information you can write to me or visit TEAM Communication Styles. If you have other challenges you’d like us to address, let us know!
