“I know you think you understand what I said, but I’m not sure you realize that what you heard is not what I meant.”
This quote, often attributed (with no evidence to back it up) to President Nixon or Robert J. McCloskey, a U.S. State Department spokesman at that time, captures a common communication challenge: the gap between what we say and how others interpret it. We’ve all experienced moments where we thought we were being clear, only to discover that the listener walked away with a completely different understanding.
Why does this happen? One major reason is communication styles—the way we naturally express ourselves and process what others say. The T.E.A.M. Communication Style® framework identifies four core styles: Tell, Engage, Analyze, and Mediate, each with unique preferences and tendencies that shape communication.
The Communication Gap in Action
Imagine a manager sending a short email:
“Let’s move forward with the project as planned. Keep me updated.”
What exactly would you mean if you sent this? Depending on their communication style, team members might interpret it very differently:
- Tell Style: “Got it. I’ll make decisions as needed and push ahead.”
- Engage Style: “Sounds good! The boss liked my ideas and I have some room to adapt a bit if needed. I’ll let others know and get going.”
- Analyze Style: “Have we fully specified the project parameters and detailed the desired outcomes? I’ll start by clarifying this and get it reviewed before I begin.”
- Mediate (Mediator): “Is everyone aligned? I’ll touch base with different stakeholders before proceeding and see if we’re really ready to go.”
None of these reactions are necessarily wrong—but they highlight how people filter messages through their own style, sometimes leading to misunderstandings. What response would you expect if you had sent that message?
Bridging the Communication Gap
Here are some tips for improving clarity and strengthening connections:
- Know Your Own Style. Are you direct and decisive (Teller), expressive and people-focused (Engager), detail-oriented and cautious (Analyzer), or harmony-seeking and consensus-driven (Mediator)? Your tendencies shape how you communicate.
- Recognize the Other Person’s Style. If you’re speaking to an Analyzer, they may need more details and specificity to feel comfortable moving forward. An Engager may need a more interactive conversation rather than a written directive, and clarity about how creative they can be. A Teller needs short, focused information and may also need clear boundaries, especially regarding decision making. A Mediator may need some reassurance and time to check in with others.
- Adapt Your Message. Strategically tailor your communication. If clarity is crucial, and you’re working with a mix of styles, try to address them all:
“Let’s move forward with the project as planned. Please keep me updated and let me know if you need any additional details (for Analyzers). Be sure to keep the team aligned and engaged (for Analyzers and Teller who might not, and to reassure Mediators and Engagers), and feel free to take initiative where needed (for all styles)” OR “if you think changes are needed, please run them by me before executing (for Tellers and Engagers that need boundaries).”
The Bottom Line
Miscommunication isn’t just about what is said—it’s about how it is heard. By understanding and adapting to different communication styles, we can reduce misunderstandings, improve teamwork, and create stronger connections in any setting.
Did you understand what I meant? What do you think of all this?
Add your thoughts in the comments below.
